Lockdown Lulls, Rumination Ruins and Doomscrolling: Tips from a therapist on how to cope in Lockdown 3.0
So Little to Do, So Much Time
I initially made myself a promise to not write about the Rona on here, but let’s be honest, no one’s got much else to talk about nowadays. I want to use this as an honest and open platform to discuss topics such as mental health, and there’s no denying the impact lockdown has on that. 50% of GP consultations are now in regards to mental health, from extreme loneliness to anxiety.
The first lockdown was a dream compared to this. Sunny days, the hope it was was only going to last three weeks (haha), the sense of community and that we really were all in it together was a bonding feeling. Now, we’re frustrated and fatigued because of poor government management (Sorry, not sorry for making it political, but I’ll hold my tongue from here), and everyone is just a little bit gutted at the prospect of another spring spent on Zoom for more quiz questions. I might sound pessimistic, but it appears the vast majority of people are finding lockdown tougher this time around. After the announcement, I had a couple of days of doomscrolling on Twitter, and feeling a bit miserable about the sorry state of the world.
I’m currently furloughed, I’m so grateful to have a job given the current climate, and I do genuinely enjoy my job. This may be because I’ve only had a job for a little over a year, but I also just like working. I like the structure to my day, I like the commute, I like the social aspect of working in an office, and I feel I have more direction and purpose. That’s not to say I’m an absolute machine and don’t crave the odd long weekend when I’m knackered, but for the most part, I never have that Sunday evening dread.
The one thing that worried me about not working was the memory of not having that structure like when I was in university. My contact hours were so few, I was barely in lectures for an hour a day most days. Most of my friends lived in other cities and the friends I did have had more intense courses than mine so they were never around, so I spent a lot of time in my very cold house, wrapped up in a duvet just watching Netflix (although I’m sure that sounds idyllic to some), feeling like I was wasting what was supposed to be the prime of my life. On reflection, I do feel like I could’ve done more to help myself, but hindsight is 20/20 so I don’t beat myself up about what could have been, but that’s what I feared happening with all this time; being bored, sad, alone and feeling like I am wasting time.
I spoke with my therapist last week about these fears I had for this lockdown and she shared with me some really helpful insights which may help someone else or might just be interesting.
- The News
I expressed to her that I feel compelled to regularly check the news to keep up to date and be informed, but every time I do, I feel stressed and anxious because it doesn’t feel like we’re making progress and it’s just fuck up after fuck up. I’ve spoken with friends about this in the past and how watching and reading the news can make us feel like we’re all doomed and the end is nigh (maybe a tad dramatic?). What my therapist said was the reason we tend to continuously check the news and seek out more information that worries us is because of the need to feel in control. We feel the more informed we have, the better equipped we are to deal with the problem.
I’m not particularly concerned for myself if I catch Covid, my concern is more of the countrywide scale of the problem, and the worry that it might harm my family or friends, or friends’ families, as I’m sure most people are. She asked if I felt like I was learning anything new with every article, and I said no, it’s usually the same article rehashed from different news sources, and she
My therapist told me how there is a huge increase in this kind of thinking and it’s called catastrophic thinking. We read as much information as we can on a subject, but reading the same thing over and over can lead us to think this message is being pummelled into our brains and there is no room for change and that the issue is permanent and will never improve. She said while there is absolutely room for improvement, if we are doing what we can personally to assist (adhering to the rules, using sanitiser, etc), we can hold onto the knowledge that this will eventually pass and we will get the nice things we miss back. She also suggested I limit my intake to fewer sources and so now, I don’t watch the news, I only read the news on 2 sites plus Twitter, as it’s generally the place to find out what’s going to be said in government announcements via journalists before they say it themselves (oops, pinky promise this is the last political dig… maybe).
2. The pressure to be productive
In the first lockdown, we had banana bread coming out our ears. The narrative was all “look at all this time we have! It’s a gift! Appreciate this time off! Learn a new skill! Crotchet! Bake! Do something!!!!!!!” some people loved it, some people loathed it, but one thing my therapist said is there’s no right or wrong in coping with lockdowns, but there are ways to support yourself through it. She said as long as you have your basic needs covered, everything else should be left to a want. If you want to bake banana bread, go for it, if you don’t, don’t. If you want to learn something new that you’ve been wanting to do for ages, give it a go if you want to, but don’t feel you have to just because we have all this time. Don’t do it just because someone else is. Social media is a real hub for comparison, but it’s a highlight reel, not real life. If people want to get up at 6am and do yoga everyday and post that on Instagram, cool, that works for them, it might not for you. The essence of my therapist’s message was “you do you to get through”.
3. Time and Overthinking
A lot of us have gone from having no time to spare to all the time in the world, but nothing to do, which leaves us with a lot of time to think. This was one of the first things my therapist brought up with me, as she knows I’m a sucker for 3am lying awake ruminating on something that’s unbelievably far fetched is a favourite weekend activity of mine.
There’s two sides to the coin when it comes to time. Personally, I can’t stop thinking about how much time we’ve lost. All the potential activities that could’ve happened in this time, the bottomless brunching with friends, Christmastime with grandparents, I miss hugging my friends and family. I miss being next to lots of sweaty people in a cramped club, and I don’t even like clubbing that much. I miss dancing with strangers. I miss the theatre and train home, I mourn the holidays I didn’t get to go on. There are absolutely loads of things I can moan about, as we all can. We’re allowed to mourn the time lost. One thing I do resent seeing online is almost the competition of who has it worse, who’s time is most valuable, but I can’t help feeling like it should stop. Yes, while we can’t get to the pub, but there are grandparents who can’t hug grandchildren, who can’t go to their dancing classes, there are small children missing out on learning key social skills, I even read the other day about a study being conducted around how babies are going to be affected with only their childcare bubble and own home to learn from, the only other faces they see are covered by masks, so what the impact will be on them as they grow up. It frustrates me that people think their time is more valuable than someone else’s.
We’re allowed to mourn the time lost, it’s chunks of our lives we won’t get back. My therapist said that the one thing to remember when we’re feeling like we’re wasting time and the best years of our lives is almost everyone is in the same boat. No one’s on holiday, no one’s seeing their friends (or they shouldn’t be), no one’s going to bars and pubs. We’re all either working or at home.
She also gave me some great advice which has been working really well for me personally. One of the things that gets to people the most in lockdown is the repetitiveness of the days and the boredom. She said that before I go to bed, I should lay out my day the next day, but giving myself a choice of activity, “this or that” if you will. It’s been really working, and helped alleviate both boredom and overthinking and gives me structure. It keeps me going, a sort of “okay so this is next” so I don’t end up sitting and watching all 10 series of Friends in 2 days (although I am halfway through it for maybe the fourth time since it got added to Netflix). No shame if that’s your thing, but I just know that wouldn’t work for me.
Another thing she told me was that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for bad days in lockdown. Days we’re all sick of the sight of Boris on our tellys with the furthest thing away from good news, nostalgic for the taste of normality we had last summer, and never want to hear the words “social distancing” again, but for now, we live with it. She described rumination as a game of squash on your own, you might try to hit it away with rational thoughts, try and stop yourself feeling bad, tell yourself you should be grateful, but it’ll come back to you, so you might as well stop trying to get rid of it. feel it, explore why you’re feeling it, process it, and eventually, you won’t feel it anymore.
Lockdowns are really tough, no matter your circumstances. Don’t compare your lockdown to someone else’s, and I hope this time is kind to you.
Take care of yourself, properly
Sophie xo
